Honor and Shame: On the Word “a’aib” in Arabic
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In a recent article, I discussed the worldwide phenomenon of honor killing, specifically in Jordan. Although honor is not translated or expressed the same way among languages and cultures, it is not a concept unique to the Arab world. Yet, honor killing is most recorded in the Middle East, North Africa, and South Asia.
Honor is a socially constructed idea that has been integrated into many societies’ codes of conduct as an institutional foundation for traditions and ideologies. In my previous article, honor is defined in regard to women’s “sexual identity, behavior, and familial roles.” The concept is based on a patriarchal framework, as men can more easily possess and defend their honor compared to women. Though both men and women are able to perform actions that can potentially dishonor their family, only men are responsible for physically protecting and revenging the family’s honor. Consequently, behaviors harming the family’s honor range from “premarital relationships” and “(un)consensual sexual relationships” to physical or verbal contact with men outside the family. As non-heterosexuality is considered a taboo subject, LGBTQ+ identities also fall under violations of the honor code.
Consequently, shaming has emerged to pressure and prevent people from performing actions that could potentially hurt their – and therefore their family’s – honor. Many anthropologists and ethnologists consider honor and shame as opposing concepts as one’s actions are examined within the binary framework of the honor system. Reciprocally, one might behave differently in fear of shaming or conducting harm to personal and familial honor. Even though one likely has good intentions in considering shaming, it only poses negative psychological effects on others. In a way, shaming becomes a further reinforcement of honor-based social conduct and a punitive act with the result of emotional torment of self-humiliation.
One of the most common words I’ve heard in relation to shaming is “عيب”, pronounced as “a’aib.” Formally, a’aib is defined as “flaw” or “defective” while its usage in spoken Arabic in social contexts can be most closely translated to “shame”. It is often used in the phrase “عيب عليك” (a’aib a’alaik), meaning “shame on you”. Additionally, “العيب اجتماعياً” – a social defect – is considered to be “تصرف سيء ضمن المجتمع” (a bad behavior in society), equivalent to the phrase “inappropriate behavior” in English.
In certain contexts, people have used the word “حرام” (haram) with religious connotation, interchangeably with a’aib. However, a’aib is a cultural term, while haram is derived directly from religious texts. What is considered “shameful” is constantly changing and specific to the greater social environment. On the other hand, haram distinctly refers to what is forbidden by Islamic law and can be used when one, for example, is drinking alcohol or consuming pork. Because of the large Muslim population in the Arabic-speaking world, what is considered shameful could follow varied interpretations of the holy Islamic text, the Quran.
Although the term could be used towards all genders, shaming is mostly subjected to women. Moroccan author Leila Slimani wrote in her book Sex and Lies: True Stories of Women’s Intimate Lives in the Arab World that “It is an experience shared by many women from Arabic-speaking countries. There isn’t a single Arab woman I know who has not been affected by this gendered shame, regardless of what she calls it in her dialect.”
In the Moroccan Arabic dialect Darija, hshouma translates to “shameful” and refers to any taboos that should not be discussed in Moroccan society. Moroccan visual artist and activist Zainab Fasiki wrote a book titled Hshouma in response to the shaming of bodies and sexuality in Morocco. In many honor societies, a woman’s body is considered part of her family’s honor and should not be violated. As previously discussed, engaging in premarital sex and identifying as LGBTQ+ are considered taboo in the Arab world. In an interview regarding the reason behind this book, Fasiki explained that she is “traumatized” by hshouma and wants to bring attention to such subjects as “people are suffering under this regime of hshouma; it’s a reign of hatred.”
Because of honor’s familial foundation, shaming is often reinforced by one’s own family members or by family members targeting a non-family member for their dishonor. Protecting honor thus becomes a collective effort, and all household members must practice the preventative/punitive act of shaming those who violate the honor code. The brunt of this discipline falls on women, creating lasting trauma throughout their lives and yet is often still perpetuated in the upbringing of their children. Not only do women experience more shame than men due to cultural and societal standards imposed upon them, but they are also more vulnerable to the negative psychological effects of shame. Women train their daughters to continue to follow this system and culture of shame, believing it will protect them against the societal backlash. Slimani argues that a’aib is internalized within the maternal lineage as “one accepts the burden of carrying the family’s honor, the nation’s honor, upon one’s body.”
Within the Arab world, it is also believed that this framework does not apply to women of non-Middle Eastern origin, especially Western women, as they are seen as outsiders who do not belong in the same culture. Dubai-based Palestinian vlogger Haifa Beseisso tackles the idea of a’aib in The 3aib Song and expresses during an interview that Western and Arab women do not share the same viewpoints on honor. According to Beseisso, "the reality is that it is more difficult being an Arab woman than, for example, a Western woman… They don’t have the background voice of the family, the uncles, the neighbors, and social media who make many of us think, ‘What are people going to think or say about me?’ It is crippling.”
In recent years, people have adopted a’aib with a more lighthearted intention in daily conversations to joke amongst friends. Although it is being used more casually, the extensive integration of honor and shame into Arab society indicates that even joking about a’aib remains toxic and, often, traumatizing for those whose existence it challenges. The honor system involves and impacts people of all gender and sexual identifications within their societies. A’aib projects a greater need for awareness and education on taboo subjects such as sexuality in the Arab world.
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